Category Archives: The Good, The Bad and The Funny Contest

Party of Four

(This entry is a finalist in our Good, Bad, and Funny honeymoon story contest.  There are 16 stories, please vote for our winner by adding a comment to your favorite.)

We went to Maui and my in laws paid for it BUT, since they where paying for it they thought that they might as well take the opportunity  for them to go to Maui as well (mind you my in laws are very religious, Me and my husband aren’t, so we don’t do things in front of them that they wouldn’t approve of)

…. Well we thought ,we will just do our own thing and so we will they try and avoid them there. That way we could drink on our honeymoon and just be ourselves. Well, we get to the hotel and check in go to our rooms and our rooms are combined!!!   The only thing that can separate the beds is a thin wall and a door other then that everything else was shared Bathroom etc…I thought to my self “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, THIS HAS TO BE A JOKE!”

Well it wasn’t.. we spent the whole time with them.  If we went to dinner, they’d see us leaving and ask where we were going and would decide every time to join us..we went to the pool, they were reading at the pool!!!

The hotel area was to small to avoid them! And not to be so upfront but Sex?? ….  ya that happened once the whole time we were there, cause I was nervous they would hear or walk in!

We tried to attempt another honeymoon last year for our 1 year anniversary but money got tight because my husbands job started laying off people so we couldn’t save.. I would like this night to try and make it up to my husband. It would be so nice to just have a romantic evening to ourselves…

So please consider us , we know its not a Maui trip but we would be so grateful to just have one night to make up for it. Thank you for taking the time to read my bad honeymoon story.

A Blushing Bride and a Flushing Groom

(This entry is a finalist in our Good, Bad, and Funny honeymoon story contest.  There are 16 stories, please vote for our winner by adding a comment to your favorite.)

Dear Journal,
Nothing says romance like a warm bubble bath for two, dimmed lights and….a plugged toilet? Well, our romantic honeymoon started out exactly that way. 

We were married in December of 2007. Ever since I was a teen, I knew where I wanted my new husband and I to spend our first night together- The Anniversary Inn. When we decided to finally get married, I had a lot of fun just browsing the rooms, daydreaming and wishing we could afford one of the more expensive rooms. 

As it turned out, a dear uncle booked us the Romeo and Juliet Suite for our wedding night. Needless to say, we were pretty excited. As our wedding day grew closer and closer, our anticipation grew and grew. Neither of us have “been” with anyone before (anyone else or each other for that matter!) so we wanted everything to be perfect for our wedding night, the first time we were to spend the night together. We each had this perfect scenario of our wedding night in our minds and were very much looking forward to spending that special time together!

And special it was! It just wasn’t quite what we expected. Let me explain. We arrived to our suite fairly late. Soon after settling in, my husband stepped into the bathroom to get ready for the evening. I got ready upstairs in the loft and waited for him. And waited. And waited. After nearly falling asleep, I heard the bathroom door open downstairs and I heard a bashful voice yell out, “Honey? Honey? I have a little problem…I just clogged the toilet!” All of the romance we had been trying to create just flew out the window. My poor husband, wanting more than anything to make this night perfect for us, was completely embarrassed to make this announcement to me. And me? I just laughed and laughed and laughed at my new husband’s predicament. Of course we didn’t have a plunger so my husband had to make the awkward call down to the front desk to have one brought up. He eventually got it taken care of, but our hopes for a perfect night went down the drain….literally!

It wasn’t a perfect night but it sure was fun. And it is even more fun to think about as time goes on!

P.S. We spent the night at The Anniversary Inn for our first anniversary. It was like being on our honeymoon all over again, plugged toilet and all. Except I was the culprit this time! 

P.P.S Honey, it’s your turn this year!

The Un-egg-spected Surprise

(This entry is a finalist in our Good, Bad, and Funny honeymoon story contest.  There are 16 stories, please vote for our winner by adding a comment to your favorite.)

The third morning of our honeymoon found my new bride resting dreamily as the first hint of light came creeping through the sails of the boats resting quietly in the Florida harbor and in through the window. 

I had hatched the perfect romantic plan to surprise her, show her my deep love, and convince her of my homemaking skills all in one go.  I crept quietly out of bed and into the kitchen of the hotel room where I had secretly stashed breakfast food.  Not too hard… cantaloupe, eggs, juice, and toast, napkin folded into a heart… Oh baby!, was this going to be romantic!

Things were going fine until I began to search for the pan to cook the eggs with.  My thoughts went something like this:  “What’s this… no pan?!!  Great!  It just doesn’t seem right to have snuck out the night before to buy eggs and then not use them for my super romantic surprise breakfast in bed.  Ok, so, I improvise.  Never tried eggs in the microwave before, but hey, let’s give it a go.  How long do you stick eggs in for anyway?  Well let’s see.  Popcorn goes for about 3 minutes 20 seconds (I know that one well after years of bachelorhood).  Eggs should be about half that, right?  Well maybe a little more, so they won’t be mushy… say 2 minutes and 30 seconds.  While that’s cooking, I’ll just busy myself cutting the cantaloupe.”

Well, little did I know that microwaves in hotel rooms aren’t actually meant to have anything cooked in them. I was in the middle of removing seeds from the cantaloupe when suddenly I was blasted to the floor with the most earsplitting schizophrenic beeping I have ever heard.  There was smoke pouring out of the microwave.  They had managed to strategically place the fire alarm directly over the microwave of course. My pocketknife I was using went flying across the room one way and the cantaloupe half I was working on went flying toward the bed.  My wife was jerked wildly from her sleep in a fashion quite a bit less romantic than I had hoped.  This turned out to be doubly unfortunate because she timed her bolt upright response perfectly to catch the slimy cantaloupe right on her nighty.  I frantically tried to wave off the smoke while apologizing to my befuddled wife over the blaring alarm, but to no avail. 

The burnt egg smell permeated the room along with the smoke.  I tried to blow on it, but alas, it beeped on and on.  Now I can hear urgent hispanic chatter as hotel personal are rushing to the room.  After several minutes of failed efforts to get the darn thing to shut off, we donned our robes and were eventually driven out of our room by the ruckus. 

Outside we were greeted by a couple of crying Pakistani children huddled around their bleary eyed parents.  They were the first of many unhappy hotel guests who were compelled to leave their rooms on that wing of the building.  Did you know that in a hotel, when one fire alarm goes off, they all do?

Well, needless to say, my breakfast (though memorable) wasn’t as romantic as I had hoped.  Lucky for us, the nice Fireman gave us a break… this was our honeymoon after all.  

Now, when people ask us how our honeymoon went, my wife is quick to reply “Well, my husband surprised me with breakfast in bed!”

They sound like idiots

(This entry is a finalist in our Good, Bad, and Funny honeymoon story contest.  There are 16 stories, please vote for our winner by adding a comment to your favorite.)

For several months now, I have been bugging my husband to take me kayaking. We thought our honeymoon would be a perfect time. We called the kayak rent shop and asked about conditions vs. skill level and such. He said the sea was a bit choppy and that, especially since we were inexperienced to sea kayaking, it would be difficult to row against the current and wind, “but you should be fine.”
 
“Is the bar open today?” I asked.
“Yep, it’s open” he said.
 
We felt pretty dang cool clad in our rented wet suits and carrying a tandem kayak down toward the harbor. We had to wind down a stair case, passing several people who, no doubt, were thinking to themselves, “They must be so hardcore. If only we were as cool as that.”

Both silently nervous, we ventured into the water. Soon enough, however, our nerves were calmed (though not helped by my constant repeating of “We are going to die.”) by the rhythmical waves.  We quickly became comfortable and really began enjoying ourselves, especially once we left the Depoe Bay, Oregon Harbor and got out into the open ocean.
 
Now, let me explain something. This is no river kayak; as dinky as those are, sea kayaks are even more dinky. In a river kayak, you sit in a hole in the kayak. In a sea kayak, there are no sides, not even a lip. It is practically flat, and you just sit right on top. So it really is just you and the sea and nothing in-between.
 
As we got farther out, the waves turned into swells, but we were still having a ton of fun (mostly because we felt so hardcore). Before too long, we capsized. But not a big deal, we were calm and climbed back in (which proves to be rather tricky). Right after, a whale watching boat drove by and asked if we were doing alright (which, of course, we were) and advised us not to go any farther out: the wind was picking up and the swells were getting bigger.
 
In the course of turning around, we capsized again and as we were just about back in the kayak we flipped over a third time. But calm and cool we remained. At this point, the swells were…oh somewhere between 6 and 8 feet. Due to my husband’s aid, I successfully climbed back in, but he couldn’t: the swells were too high and too frequent.

The same whale watching boat made a circle around us and announced, “We’re coming to pick you up.” While I was thinking, “that is a great idea”, I afterward learned what he was thinking, “That’s a bad idea. We’re fine. I’ll just swim to shore, tugging Angela and the kayak.”
 
We clumsily climbed into our “rescue” boat, and, while heading back to the harbor, saw a whale (which, turns out, we were headed right towards in our kayak). As we were unloading, we saw the Coast Guard waiting to talk to us. “Uh oh. We must be in trouble.”

After ensuring there was a lack of injuries, the Guard told us the bar was closed that day. “Did you not see the blinking yellow lights which indicate the bar’s closure? Or did you not check weather conditions? That sea is dangerous for anything under 16 feet long! Where did you get the kayak?” Trying to act as unknowing as possible, which wasn’t hard since we really had no idea, we named the rent shop. 

Fortunately, truly being poor newly weds, he did not fine us the $1100.00 for disobeying the rules. But we did get to hear all about the apparent history this rent shop has of renting kayaks under dangerous weather conditions to inexperienced kayakers. And then he let us go.
 
Since we still had the kayak and the wet suits, we kayaked around the harbor for a while, which had plenty of sea life. Intermittently, we were interrupted by people asking, “Are you the couple that was kayaking out in the sea??”

Yeah, that’s right, we’re famous. We truly were hardcore. 
 
To top it off, we told my husband’s brother this story upon our return. He actually went out to Depoe Bay the following day to show a friend the Oregon Coast. They went on a whale watching trip, and were chatting with the captain who said, “Yeah, you never know what you’ll find out here in the ocean: whales, kayakers,…”

Marshall: “Wait, you saw kayakers?!”

Captain: “Yeah, just a few days ago. We had to rescue them; the sea was dangerous.”

Marshall: “Man, they sound like idiots!”

Captain: “Yeah….”
 
Either way, we felt cool. Perhaps we should have been nervous…

Things to keep in mind while planning a honeymoon

(This entry is a finalist in our Good, Bad, and Funny honeymoon story contest.  There are 16 stories, please vote for our winner by adding a comment to your favorite.)

Have you ever thought you knew so much about a certain activity that you planned minimally, and found out how horribly wrong you were at the worst possible moment? I have. It was called our honeymoon.

All my life, I thought going backpacking for my honeymoon would be the most amazing thing in the world. When I got engaged in 2008, I asked my wonderful wife whether or not it would be OK to do this for our honeymoon. Somewhat hesitatingly, she said it would be fine, as long as I made all the correct preparations. My plan was to use the truck I was in the process of rebuilding to get us to a trailhead, then hike in to a beautiful lake, camp, and spend four blissful days under the cover of nature. 

The first thing that went wrong was that I did not finish the truck in time, so I thought “No big deal, my 22 year old convertible sports car should work just fine, not like we will be doing any major off-roading or anything…”

Our wedding day came and went, and we headed off on our honeymoon on August 6th. That night, I surprised my wife with a nights’ stay at the Anniversary Inn, which was great. The following morning, we went out to my car, excited and apprehensive about the next few days. The previous night had gone so well, what could possibly go wrong? We loaded our gear into the car, sat down, and I turned the key… and nothing happened. My lights had been on all night, and had run the battery down. Fortunately, someone was able to give us a jump-start and then we were on our way (already two hours later than expected).

We drove for a couple of hours to the Uinta mountains were we planned to camp, and using a hiking trail map, began our drive north across the Uintas to the Alligator Lake trailhead. 

As we drove in, the roads became progressively worse and worse, first being a paved road with lots of bumps, turning to a dirt road, to a gravel road, then a fork in the road. We stopped, got out and looked at our map to decide which fork to take, and it started to rain. We put the roof on the car, and continued along a now muddy road in the middle of August in a black car with no air conditioning. As we continued, so did the rain. Eventually we were bouncing along the road, hearing metal scraping against rock every few feet of driving in a car that wasn’t even designed to drive on the freeway in rain, let alone a rock road built solely for 4×4 access. With this being the case, I was only able to go about 4mph the entire time. My wife was alternately praying and questioning why she married me.

As we continued to slowly progress, we decided that we were not going to be able to reach the lake that was on the other side of the map from where we were, so a change of plans was in order. We decided to go to the next lake that had a road sign indicating it’s existence. We found one, I turned down the path, and we reached it very shortly… But there were RV’s there, and I decided arrogantly to refuse to camp next to them, much to the dismay of my wife.

So we plodded onwards, still scraping, on even worse roads than we had initially dreamed my car was capable of limping down. I will not go into too much detail about the many times my wife said “Honey, I don’t think you can drive down that one…” and I did anyway, but suffice to say we found a place to park the car with a trail access to Lym Lake. 

After loading up with our backpacks, both looking like twelve year old Boy Scouts on his first camp-out, taking care of some business involving shovels, toilet paper, and a disgusted wife who had barely even used a pit toilet, let alone a trench, we started off. Finally!

We were actually doing what I had been wanting to do! Yes, it was late in the day (probably around 5pm) but we were on our way to blissful days by a lake shore! We followed a trail for about twenty minutes, came to a clearing, excitedly picked up the pace… and saw a sad, muddy black sports car we both recognized much to our dismay. We had gone in a complete circle, and ended back exactly where we started. The decision was made to find another trailhead, so we loaded back into the car, and drove to yet another “Honey, I don’t think…” road.

After we got to the point where there was no way the car could climb anymore (trust me, I tried…) we parked the car and began our trip where there was an actual sign pointing us towards Lym Lake. 

After hiking for over two hours, with the sun setting, we were not finding the lake. We decided to set up camp just off the trail, and as it got to be pitch black, fear set in. We realized we were at least 50 miles from the closest human in bear country with lots of wonderful smelling food. About halfway through trying to set up our brand new tent in pitch black conditions, we looked at each other and decided enough was enough. We packed up and decided to head back home. After a very difficult hike back out in the darkness of the night, we saw the car! As soon as we were out of the dirt trails, my wife fell soundly asleep and didn’t wake up until we were almost home. We got home at 1am, went inside, and fell asleep in seconds. 

Later, I did some research and discovered that Alligator lake can only be accessed from Wyoming. I had tried to get us to a lake that was impossible to drive to from the southern access. Thankfully, my wife and I are still married, and a year later I convinced her somehow to try the trip again, this time with much more planning, and much better results.

Hurricane Honeymoon

(This entry is a finalist in our Good, Bad, and Funny honeymoon story contest.  There are 16 stories, please vote for our winner by adding a comment to your favorite.)

My wife and I have stayed in the Anniversary Inn in Logan as a gift and LOVED our trip. That was before we had our son however. We would love the opportunity to stay again but that’s a little out of our budget.

I suppose I could get to the reason for this message, and tell my ugly honeymoon story. My wife grew up here in Utah and I’m an import from Georgia, (because of her of course). She served her mission there and when she returned home, decided to check up on some of her old areas. I was a police officer, and a firefighter, so I was pretty easy to reach.

After about a year of phone dating, I got tired of knowing I loved her and not doing something, so I flew to Utah and proposed. She then moved to Georgia, as i was the one with the career(s). About six months later we flew to Utah to be married. Now we get to the fun part. The next day I had plans to fly back east and take my wife to a small bed and breakfast on the beach in Florida, stay there for a week and return to reality with a happy story. This was not to be. When we flew into Atlanta we were informed that not one, not two, but three tropical storms were off the coast of Florida, two of which were hurricanes. When i called the b+b we were to stay at, I was informed that there was six inches of water in the room where we should have been. So we stayed in Atlanta while it rained for a couple of days. Then i had to cut the whole trip short due to a court case that a judge brought up unexpectedly.

My understanding new wife said she had to get used to the life as the wife of a public servant sometime, why not now and we returned home. Our whole honeymoon, or the lack there of, was a disaster. We soon moved to Utah. We had our son who came with a few (still undiagnosed) health problems. This put a burden on the finances so trying to be a good daddy i took a second job as a pizza boy at night, in addition to my schooling and being a full time commercial electrician. I’ve never been able to give my bride a honeymoon, and even thought it may only be for one night, I think this opportunity would make her so happy for our anniversary on October fourth. Although I’m sure I could speak for her when i say any night would be just fine. A night away to relax, not having to worry about bills, her home, or hearing the word mommy, or just a full nights sleep, might be perfect. We love our son, but who couldn’t use a break for a bit. I hope I’ve made my case, and again appreciate your time.