(This entry is a finalist in our Good, Bad, and Funny honeymoon story contest. There are 16 stories, please vote for our winner by adding a comment to your favorite.)
The third morning of our honeymoon found my new bride resting dreamily as the first hint of light came creeping through the sails of the boats resting quietly in the Florida harbor and in through the window.
I had hatched the perfect romantic plan to surprise her, show her my deep love, and convince her of my homemaking skills all in one go. I crept quietly out of bed and into the kitchen of the hotel room where I had secretly stashed breakfast food. Not too hard… cantaloupe, eggs, juice, and toast, napkin folded into a heart… Oh baby!, was this going to be romantic!
Things were going fine until I began to search for the pan to cook the eggs with. My thoughts went something like this: “What’s this… no pan?!! Great! It just doesn’t seem right to have snuck out the night before to buy eggs and then not use them for my super romantic surprise breakfast in bed. Ok, so, I improvise. Never tried eggs in the microwave before, but hey, let’s give it a go. How long do you stick eggs in for anyway? Well let’s see. Popcorn goes for about 3 minutes 20 seconds (I know that one well after years of bachelorhood). Eggs should be about half that, right? Well maybe a little more, so they won’t be mushy… say 2 minutes and 30 seconds. While that’s cooking, I’ll just busy myself cutting the cantaloupe.”
Well, little did I know that microwaves in hotel rooms aren’t actually meant to have anything cooked in them. I was in the middle of removing seeds from the cantaloupe when suddenly I was blasted to the floor with the most earsplitting schizophrenic beeping I have ever heard. There was smoke pouring out of the microwave. They had managed to strategically place the fire alarm directly over the microwave of course. My pocketknife I was using went flying across the room one way and the cantaloupe half I was working on went flying toward the bed. My wife was jerked wildly from her sleep in a fashion quite a bit less romantic than I had hoped. This turned out to be doubly unfortunate because she timed her bolt upright response perfectly to catch the slimy cantaloupe right on her nighty. I frantically tried to wave off the smoke while apologizing to my befuddled wife over the blaring alarm, but to no avail.
The burnt egg smell permeated the room along with the smoke. I tried to blow on it, but alas, it beeped on and on. Now I can hear urgent hispanic chatter as hotel personal are rushing to the room. After several minutes of failed efforts to get the darn thing to shut off, we donned our robes and were eventually driven out of our room by the ruckus.
Outside we were greeted by a couple of crying Pakistani children huddled around their bleary eyed parents. They were the first of many unhappy hotel guests who were compelled to leave their rooms on that wing of the building. Did you know that in a hotel, when one fire alarm goes off, they all do?
Well, needless to say, my breakfast (though memorable) wasn’t as romantic as I had hoped. Lucky for us, the nice Fireman gave us a break… this was our honeymoon after all.
Now, when people ask us how our honeymoon went, my wife is quick to reply “Well, my husband surprised me with breakfast in bed!”